|Hard to tell her and FB apart.....|
'It's uncanny..........,' they say to each other.
'.........they might have been separated at birth................'
'...........yes, neither of them has a clue against leg spin bowling..........'
'.......only Nigella Lawson is slightly better.'
At that point the comparison rather breaks down and the conversation proceeds in other directions - either extolling Ms Lawson's dress sense in the kitchen or lamenting over the pointlessness of yet another bowling spell by FB up hill against the wind.
Nevertheless, FB has frequently, and with some success, sought inspiration from Ms Lawson's recipes. Not he hastens to add, on the cricket field, although some commentators have suggested that Ms Lawson's often stated view that cooking is a metaphor for life finds an uncanny parallel in FB's own belief that a spell up the hill against the wind is a metaphor for something similar.
FB therefore dutifully placed himself in front of the TV screen for the return of his heroine. He had resigned himself to the probability that there would be little of interest from a cricketing perspective. However he was confident there would be compensations for this oversight.
But he was unprepared for what came next. After traipsing round some smart London street philosophising to the camera - without offering the cricketer any insight into how to bat positively on the variable wickets so frequently found in lower league cricket - Ms Lawson repaired to the kitchen to prepare her favourite breakfast.
It was at this point that FB began to part company with his heroine. She put forward a radical alternative to any conception that FB would accept as breakfast. For FB, breakfast consists during the months of summer time in fruit muesli occasionally with a topping of yoghurt, and during the winter months porridge, shamefully eaten a la sassenach (ie with milk and brown sugar).
Why either of these is not good enough for La Lawson is a mystery to FB. Rather than explain herself on this point - which would have been a suitable topic for another monologue as she traipsed around yet another fashionable street - she proceed to prepare an avocado, mixing it with a larder-full of stuff - dill, lime juice, salt, ginger and goodness knows what else - then spreading it on a piece of toasted German bread, topping it with some radish.
Radish?This is breakfast?
No wonder she can't play leg spin bowling.