Thursday, 18 December 2014

Twas the night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, the square it lay cold
Not a cricketer played, not a ball could be bowled
There’s ice on the wicket, there’s frost in the deep
And all junior members should be fast asleep

Wrapped up and cosy in warm little beds
With dreams of the morning going round in their heads
And Santa Claus just can't come soon enough
For he's going to bring lots of cricketing stuff

Juniors excited wake long before dawn
But please avoid trouble this Christmas morn
On going to bed they should be told that
4 a.m.'s not the time to knock in a bat

A full day of practice with new gear is planned
Though fast balls in the kitchen have sadly been banned
For last year a speedy full pitched in-swinger
Hit Grandma hard as she cooked Christmas dinner

As Grandma collapsed she was given the news
Grandma you are plum - out leg before goose
The advice to play forward wasn't really a help
Only Christmas good-will prevented a skelp

So this year all cricket must stay in the hall
By edict of Grandpa, there'll be no hard ball
Anyway Grandma's prepared for her lads 
Before she starts cooking she'll put on her pads

But let's leave the juniors all dreaming their dreams
For it's down at the ground where ev'rything gleams
A proud doughty groundsman has given his best
The square's been repaired and the surface top dressed

For Santa will come to kids of all ages,
As long as they've not done something outrageous
And the proud doughty groundsman's been good all year
So he waits for that visit as morning draws near

While darkness descends and the stars light the sky
He leaves out for Santa a special mince pie
And just before turning in for the night
He makes sure his stocking is hanging in sight

Then the doughty groundsman lays down his sweet head
Dreams of shiny new mower in its shiny new shed
There'll be a warm welcome for Santa Claus there
Just as long as he keeps his sleigh OFF THE SQUARE


  1. The WFDG wonders if the first line of the last verse implies he is the Little Lord Jesus.

    While he would undoubtedly welcome a shiny new mower, he rather sourly added that Santa had better clear up any reindeer crap off both the square and the outfield.

  2. FB advises that characters in this oeuvre are not based on any persons either living dead or in between. He says they are products of what he is pleased to call his imagination, limited though that ma)y be. This does not apply in the case of Santa Claus who is (obviously) completely real. Merry Christmas