Sunday, 3 November 2013


As happens from time to time, Fantasy Bob was called upon last week to participate in an earnest discussion about the future of public policy in Scotland.  FB should record at this point that there was little of interest to the cricketer in the discussion, so if FB's dwindling worldwide band of  readers felt their pulses beating at the prospect of his reporting that cricket would be at the epicentre of all future government initiatives, they should prepare for disappointment.
After the meeting - Post-Its showing their autumn colours

FB listened intently to the presentations and made his contribution to teh recording of discussion points in his break out group on Post-Its.  For it is de rigeur in meetings these days for points to be recorded on Post-Its which are the stuck on every available service. So dominant is the Post-It culture that it is hard to realise that they only were developed in the early 1980s by the joyously named Art Fry.   How did the human race achieve anything without post its is a subject of continual mystery to FB.

Readers who may be familiar with FB and meetings may wish to pause at this point.  They will say to themselves, 'This implies that FB stayed awake for most, if not all, of the proceedings.  This is not consistent with our experience of FB.  For even if he looks awake he is invariably asleep.  The mere sight of a packet of Post-Its on a table can send him into a coma.'

FB demurs from this defamation.  His critics rebound, 'You say you have stayed awake through many meetings, but only if cricket finds it way into the discussion, otherwise its the Big ZZZs for FB.  You've told us that there was no mention of cricket in this meeting - so we infer you were asleep.'

But this meeting was different to the 3 million other meetings FB has attended in his career. He is accustomed at finding at these meetings supply of mints on the table.  He has never been too sure why.  Presumably the organisers are worried about their invitees being riddled with halitosis.

However on this occasion mints were like cricket - absent; not on the agenda.  Instead, in the centre of the table, where the mints would customarily be, carefully positioned by the Post-Its was a jar containing an enticing mixture of Refresher Chews and Fizzers, nostalgic products of the esteemed confectioners Swizzle Matlow. The crack cocaine of the 1960s primary school playground.

By staying awake FB was able to ensure he could guzzle these treats at will.  As the sherbet tickled his tongue he was back in the playgound again and the 2 hours of Post-It fever passed for him in a happy haze of recollection of centuries scored before the bell went for classes.

And so the meeting and the earnest discussion proceeded.  Conclusions were drawn and legions of post-its were sacrificed to the cause.  It reached its happy conclusion - and the conclusion of such meetings is always happy for it is invariably that more such meetings are required just as soon as further supplies of Post-It notes can be secured.

As FB left for the cold night air, a colleague remarked that such discussions gave him a sore head.  FB nodded sagely.  He shared his colleague's concern.  But on this occasion he was spared the sore head.  But he did have sore teeth.


  1. Just be grateful they weren't Love Hearts

    1. Indeed - all the reading they require would have given FB a headache as well as sore teeth.

    2. Post-its are in fact the classic example of a solution looking for a problem. They arose from a quest to find a use for a new glue that didn't work very well!

    3. Many thanks - FB has long felt that he too is a solution looking for a problem.

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