Not only has Fantasy Bob done some fielding practice in advance of the new season, he has also reviewed his kit.
|Good to bat in?|
Despite temptations all around, FB resisted the lure of a new bat. His present blade is after all only one season old. It has plenty of runs still in it. It must have, because it did not give up very many last season. Nevertheless, FB cleaned it assiduously. Of course he took particular care not to remove the big red marks on the middle - all two of them.
But it was then that whatever has been put in the water had its effect and things went a bit wrong. FB reviewed his cricket shoes. Remarkably they looked good for another season of pounding up the hill against the wind. But the spikes were another story. Ground down to the base by the Doughty Groundsman's pristine hard surfaces, they needed replacement. FB duly purchased a set of gleaming new spikes and set aside half an hour to screw them in.
|Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition|
Three hours later, he had managed to remove just over half of the old ones. His hand was bleeding. His shoulder ached more than it ever did when he bowled 25 overs on the bounce. Sweat beaded his brow. He was covered in WD40, bits of grass and sand. Another 2 hours and 3 spikes still resisted his efforts. Surely the spike key was an instrument of torture devised by the Spanish Inquisition?
He was on the point of phoning the Samaritans.
Mrs FB looked at his exhausted frame. She sighed at this further evidence of the futility of male endeavour. She tried to be helpful. As she moved towards the door and a night out with her girlfriends, she quietly said
'I always thought you should have bought a new pair................................'
|Nobody expects the cricket spike key..........|