Monday, 8 October 2012


Fantasy Bob is not surprised to find that a pair of James Bond's dookers (as those from the North East of Scotland call swimming trunks) has reached the trifling sum of £45,000 at a recent charity auction.  These are the dookers which adorned Daniel Craig's manly lower abdomen as he emerged from the Caribbean water in Casino Royale.  Mrs FB has never been the same again.  She may well have been a bidder in the auction driving the price ever upwards.

But in the months after the film's release, so concerned was FB that he might have lost his place in the order of Mrs FB's affections, that he soon after purchased a pair of similar figure-hugging Speedos to replace his sagging swimwear.  Swimwear which had served him well for the purpose of swimming, but had caused few palpitations in watching females.  Not that there were many such admirers as FB ploughed up and down the health club pool.  In fact not that there were any. FB and his trunks were disregarded.

Until one day several months afterwards.  Having swum his statutory distance, FB climbed out of the pool and was only slightly aware of the astonished gasps behind him.  He played it cool.  Obviously his exercise regime was having its effect. A small shimmy of the hips as he stepped from the ladder. Even Mrs FB's gaze might now linger on his toned frame.  Heartened he made his way back to the changing room.  It was there that he discovered the truth.  The seam on his Daniel Craig style dookers had succumbed to corrosive power of the chlorine and had given way.   Big time.  Where there had been dooker, there was a yawning gap. Those gasps he had just drawn from his fellow swimmers were in response to nothing other than his big arse hanging out of his dookers in a decidedly less than James Bond fashion.

Downcast, FB threw the dookers away.  As a result they are not available for auction.  FB regrets that his hasty action has deprived charities of the possibility of a sizeable donation.

Mrs FB's views on the matter are not recorded.  Her loyalities may well still be with Daniel Craig. 


  1. Double O Heaven or Hell, depending on whether you find this wardrobe malfunction funny or not. Q might have been amused (and may possibly have invented the faulty swimwear for his own amusement) but M would definitely not.
    In reality, FB has only himself to blame - everyone knows that Speedos should be worn by the over-30s only on Italian beaches, and even then only with the correct brand of mirror-tinted sunshades.

    1. Sound advice that FB really should have heeded before his purchase.