leaves after delivering his letter
It is understood to have been sent via his lawyer by Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who has been helping police with their enquiries over allegations of sex rings in France.
Dear Go-ahead Carlton Cricket Club,
I am tres tres sorry that this messy petite business in France has been dubbed the Carlton affair and may have inadvertantly caused the great name of your go-ahead club to be questioned by unscrupulous media hacks. It is, how you say, a cock-up - an unfortunate phrase in the circumstances. Some hotel here named itself in honour of your club hoping to emulate your go-aheadness (epic fail IMHO).
I acknowledge that I have had no association with your go-ahead club and have never played for you - not even for Fantasy Bob's All Star 4th XI which surely needs a little vroom-vroom such as I could give it. Nor have I been to any orgies in your well appointed Grange Loan ground, although if you are planning to organise any in future I would be happy to offer advice as to how to ensure they go with a swing.
I also would like to make clear that when I said a person would find it difficult to tell the difference between a naked cricketer and any other naked person, I had never seen Fantasy Bob emerging from the shower after a long afternoon bowling up the hill against the wind.
With best wishes for the coming season
PS please send autographed photo of your ever popular skipper Fraggle Watts, the girls here keep asking after him.On hearing of the letter, Carlton's Doughty (but nameless) Groundsman expressed his disappointment that Mr Strauss-Kahn had been overlooked for the position of social convenor at the club.