Thursday, 25 November 2010

Back to basics?

The Gabba - where biscuits are biscuits
 By the time you read this, the first day of the First Test will be over and done.  Needing his beauty sleep more than most, Fantasy Bob will decline from commenting on play from day to day, unless, of course, he decides to comment on play from day to day.  But his exclusive contract with Paul Collingwood's sock will ensure that he has all the inside comment and analysis at the end of the match.  So stay tuned.

But as the match gets underway FB thinks he should return to more serious matters than the nonsense that has been appearing on these pages recently.   So back to basics for the players, back to biscuits for FB.  While biscuits have had occasional mentions in posts recently, it is time that they returned to their rightful place on centre stage.  So what about Aussie biscuits, what kind of team could they raise?  Are they in decline and injury struck like the cricket team?

According to FB's sources, Australia's biggest biscuit manufacturer is Arnotts, which, appropriately enough, was established yonkeroonies ago by an immigrant from the land of mist, mountains and biscuits Scotland.  So here is an Arnott XI

Some of Arnott's leading players
SAO: A plain cracker style biscuit. The name is rumoured to stand for Salvation Army Officer 
Milk Arrowroot: Past flagship biscuit brand of Arnott's
Cheds: a savoury cracker
Chocolate Butternut Snap: a crunchy oatmeal and coconut biscuit covered in chocolate
Lemon Crisps: two sweet crackers with a light salt sprinkled with lemon cream sandwiched in between.
Jatz: a round savoury cracker also available in a cracked pepper flavoured variety
TeeVee Snacks: A bite-sized chocolate coated biscuit, promoted as being ideal for TV snacking
Tic Tocs: Clock shaped iced vanilla biscuits, with clock faces printed on them
Tim Tams: reckoned by experts to be Australia's most popular biscuit - A cuboid chocolate-coated biscuit. Flavours include milk chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate, double coat of chocolate, caramel centred, chilli, coconut, berry filling (Pink Wish charity edition), Kahlua, Love Potions series (chocolate and raspberry, vanilla and toffee, choc mud) and latte filling. The latest flavour to be released in 2008 is orange.
Tiny Teddies: Thumb-sized teddy bear-shaped snacks.
Honey Jumbles: Small honey gingerbread cakes, topped with pink or white icing.

Is this an Ashes winning XI?  Here for comparion purposes is CricInfo's All Time Greatest Australian XI (ie cricketers).  It is crunchy and cream filled. 
Victor Trumper; Arthur Morris; Sir Donald Bradman; Greg Chappell;  Allan Border; Keith Miller; Adam Gilchrist; Shane Warne; Bill O'Reilly; Denis Lillee; Glen McGrath.
In your endless spare time why not try to match the players to the biscuits?   The only clue FB will give you is that Denis Lillee is probably not the Tiny Teddies.

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